Tuesday, August 25, 2015

new perspective



Here we go- the moment my life changed.

May 5th 2007 I was in a process of rescuing a horse. As I am tying him by the fence using a nylon rope he pulled back. My hand was inside of the loop and in less then a second my daily routines as I knew them change and so did my life. The flesh of my finger tips, except the thumb litterally got sliced of the bones, think peeling the meat of a chicken bone (sorry for the unpleasant explanation but it was I was told by the doctors.)
All the tendons got torn and fingers broken. They were able to reattached two fingers but had to amputate two of my fingertips.The doctor's also informed me I might not get full function of my fingers back and most likely not bend my hand backwards for a handstand. The physical pain was so intense my body was in chock and I was put on heavy pain meds, the fear gripped a hold of my heart, mind and body, I had moments of the feeling of being beaten up inside out.
What unfolded changed my outlook on life and so did my yoga practice and they way I teach. I knew I had to confront the fear and a week later, with the support from my sister who had flown in from Sweden, I dragged myself up to the ranch to continue the work with the same horse who's spirit was broken from years of being on the racetrack.
There were times when my legs buckled and I couldn't stand, I threw up a few times and my heart was raising so fast I thought I would have a heart attack.
- All from FEAR, it's called PTSD.
Thanks to a very stubborn, strong willed, competitive personality and the doctors saying to me; you might not be able to some things….. well, tell me I can't do it I will prove you the difference.smile emoticon
And the LOVE and support pouring in from all over the world, the only thing what is different with my fingers is they look funny. Handstands -no problem but not as important to me anymore and if I one day get married it most likely will not be to be with a man how enjoy's a woman with beautiful hands.
I am so immensely grateful this happened to me. Because the love I got to experience was the kind that heals all wounds. My friends Rebecca and Anthony opened their home to care for me, nurse James and doctor Fergie came by every day to changed the bandages, strangers sent me emails with loving words. Dave Stringer donated his time for a fundraising yoga class, old friends and new wrapped their arms around me, my floor was filled with cards and checks (since in the US something like this can financially ruin you). Students who had taken my class only once 10 year prior to this wrote me. I wish I could name you all who reached out, but you know who you are. I bow to you all in gratitude.

My practice of Yoga had prepared me for this. I was present, my body was strong and my heart open to receive. This is what healed me quickly inside out and shifted my perspective forever. For the gesture from another human reaching out to help and me receiving it is the most powerful force of action there is.
But I also had to do the work. I had to show up to my body and spirit and went into fight mode that it had to get done.
No one will do it for me, I have to do it. I accepted the fact that maybe I won't own my horse but if it would come to that, I would walk away because it's MY choice. Not because fear had gripped a hold of me and take away my deepest passion -horses. I ended up buying the most beautiful creature - Romeo, my four legged soulmate.
So if you are out there in physical pain, broken heart, lost spirit…you can do it. You have to stand up. Believe you are worthy of inner peace and happiness and you can heal your wounds. Even if your body changes, you heart and soul will only get wiser. One way or another find the strength. Ask for help and receive it. For life is so precious and all we have is NOW. The next moment can change everything. You have to look fear in the eyes and like you look at a wild animal in front of you. For then fear will buckle. Not your legs. Not your heart. Not your spirit.
To all of you out there who needs it,
I send you love. heart emoticon heart emoticon heart emoticon Camilla

Tuesday, April 21, 2015


…my little man wanted me to play the song Happy (again) before bed. We danced, laughed and ended with a pillow war, way past his bedtime. I don't think I have ever had so much fun as I have with him. He reminds me every day what truly matters in this mad world. 
I get asked the question every day; How can you leave LA for Sweden? People living in LA wants to leave, and people in Sweden dream of elsewhere. 
It doesn't matter where you live, city of dreams, Hollywood or a small town in Sweden. It doesn't matter if it's sunshine or rain, riding horses or dancing and it certainly doesn't matter if you drive a Bentley or a Toyota. It's moments like these that matters. Happiness can be found wherever you choose to find it. We are happy and I am so very blessed.

Love Camilla

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Clarity, Focus, Ease and Grace.




We are always manifesting…


Each thought we have creates an energy flow within and around us. For instance, if you are thinking: “I suck, “something is wrong with me”, I am scared” “I can’t do it” - These are low-level thoughts, has a negative tone, it’s the quality of energy you will project and what you will attract in your life.

The opposite energy occurs when you think high-level thoughts: “I am strong”, I can do this”, “I am worthy.”
You will exude energy of confidence and attract more positive experiences and energy into your life.


 Before you begin the process creating a new out look, and attract what you desire, you must take time to release the disbelief in your power to be happy.


Step 1. Clarity is key in any process of creating something new. Clear intentions of what your heart desires and what it is you want.  Avoid spending anytime on dwelling on what you don’t want, otherwise you can easily manifest just that.


Step 2. Focus on what needs to get done, get CREATIVE!
Write down ideas, read about it and get as much information you can.
For example; If you getting clear you want a new career, write down all the things about the job that would make you happy: the office, your passion, starting a new business, the kind of people you want to work with etc.  



Step 3. Ease your way into the feeling now. Put the things together and spend time every day sitting in the feeling of what it is you desire. Talk about it with friends and family you can trust, meditate on it, and breathe it.
BELIEVE IT, THINK IT, FEEL IT!
Let the thought inform the feeling and let the feeling become your energy.

The more you feel the feeling of what you desire, the more you believe it is on the way.

Step 4. Grace now it’s time to let go, continue doing the work, show up, believe and do your part.  The mistake a lot of people do when wanting something is clinging on the to the idea it has to happen right away. And if it doesn’t they often get disappointed and discouraged, the energy will then shut down. You will be tested in this process; universe will challenge you on how important this is for your wellbeing. “How bad do you really want it”?


There is no room for excuses and fears, you have no time to waist, and no one will do it for you, take the responsibility and do what you have to do.

Remember this is a quest to find happiness, ask yourself is what your doing now working? If not, then what are you waiting for?
Universe will respond when you live your highest truth

love Camilla

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

you can find happiness wherever you choose to find it...



It's such privilege to work with people everyday who are open, curious, lost, confused and wanting more out of this thing called life. We have such short time here to become the best we can be, to live the life we one day can look back on with no regrets and be proud of.

 What is the footprint you want to leave after you?

 I ask myself this often and it motivates me to live exactly how I want to live, under no restriction. Nothing is forever, I have no idea what is around the corner and what tomorrow will bring, and the power behind this thought gives me freedom to create goals, visions and dream rebelliously wild….why not?

I took me a while to realize the only person who hinders me is me. I think we all have had moments of blaming another person or circumstance for not being happy, but once I became aware, I also began taking responsibility.
Often my mind is so powerful it tosses me into the abyss of doubt, fear and confusion. Before Yoga I could stay there for awhile and seriously, what a waist of time!!
 Therefore  I have embarked on this journey to live my truth and be happy every day and in order to do so, I HAVE to show up. I have to practice, I meditate every day, its non negational for me, I live mindful with who I choose to spend time with, how I treat my body, I accept myself and my sensitivity and I forgive myself rather quickly when I react in a way that is not aligned with compassion toward myself or others.

When I received THE phone call,  I will in a few days become a mother it's feels like a phone call from universe telling me; you finally got it, you got the lesson of letting go, you stopped being afraid and attached to a certain outcome, and most of all you stopped trying to control so much. So here, enjoy you life with your son, you guys are not from blood but from even deeper  your soul. Strangely, people say with look like each other, we certainly have very similar personalties. He is my muse, my teacher, my mirror. 

My point is to this rambles:  that if we really, really REALLY want something we will have it…that's my thoughts for today, just wanted to share, that's all. Love Camilla

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

be wild and crazy...




"Be wild and crazy and drunk with Love,
If you are too careful, Love will not find you".~Rumi♥



I love this quote so much by Rumi



Every once in a while it’s good to get a reminder to be a little wild and crazy. To unleash whatever gets caught up in responsibilities, routines, the roles we take on and we even put our spirit behind bars because that’s safer.
Wild and crazy doesn’t mean being reckless and immature. No, it means allowing ourselves to be exactly who we are, expressing our truth and being free. No worries about future, no dwelling of past, truly experience NOW.
When we live our truth we enhance our creative power, our imagination can begin to dance and we open the door to live in love. I know it sound so cliché but I also know when I live in fear I get moody, tired and I feel separated from other people.


Questions to ponder:


When was the last time you did something wild and crazy?

What is hindering you to do so?

Are you doing something everyday you enjoy?

See what comes up when you ask these questions, don’t make them to complicated, maybe wild and crazy for you simply means going out for dinner rather then cook tonight, driving up the mountains or maybe you want to play really loud music and sing on the tops of your lungs, I love doing that!

The point is to shift and raise the energy from where it is to a higher level and when you do so, enjoy it!!!!

love love


Camilla